So I found a blogger today who recently had cancer and reading her blogs were so comforting. It's nice to read about someone who has experienced things that you are currently undergoing. It's just good to know that your not alone. I don't wish for anyone to experience cancer but I would enjoy a friend who just happens to be experiencing it at the same time as me. ;)
The last few chemo treatments have been a little harder on my body. I have been down for about 4 or 5 days each time. The first 2 days include some vomiting and the rest just nausea and a list of other random annoying side effects. I have this weird champagne saliva thing going on. My saliva bubbles and feels really thick. Yeah I know...GROSS! My throat and tongue muscles hurt too. Its weird but it only last a few days. I also just feel very out of it and drugged up (go figure). Also my vision is blurred and my ears are foggy. I have been having bathroom issues as well. I won't go into detail but I will say that I have to remind myself every time I sit on the toilet that I had a baby ALL NATURAL!!! Yeah you heard me....I have to encourage myself!!!! I thought that the only time I would be afraid to go the the bathroom was after having a baby. WRONG!!!! If anyone has any tips..Please share because I am not sure how long I can deal with the daily fear of the toilet!!!!
My eyelashes are probably half gone at this point and so are my eyebrows!. Hopefully I will keep some. I have to remind myself that they will grow back. It can be discouraging to look at myself in the mirror. I spend 5 minutes putting mascara on everyday!!!! That is way too much time to spend on your eyelashes when you spend nothing on you hair!!!!!
So with all that said chemo is not fun but I just remind myself that God is using it to heal me.
All of the nurses and ladies at the office are so sweet when I go to get my chemo. They are always so encouraging constantly telling me how beautiful I am and how much they all love my scarves and how cute I look. Sometimes I even feel cute! That is Gods work alone....and my amazing husband! All of the other patients just stare at me and make comments about how young I am. They become sad when they see me but when I got go to chemo I get all dressed up and put make up and jewelry on. Not many people do this. I decided the first time that I walked into that room that I wasn't gong to be one of those people who came in with a t shirt, pajama pants and a bandana on my head. Nothing against those people but I just wanted to look good and healthy and walk in there smiling at everyone. I decided that I wanted to be a light! I want to stand out and smile and love people. <3
I have chemo next Tuesday and God willing after I leave I will only have 3 more!!!!! I am not going to lie. I am getting tired and I just want to be normal again. I have to fight the desire to want to just fall asleep for 3 months and wake up healthy! Thank God for Paisley and how she is the most amazing distraction and I would never want to fall asleep and miss her next 3 months! So with that said we have to choose JOY and walk the path your given with the One who can lead you on it with the most grace. I try very hard not to complain and be thankful for life and the fact that I am alive and well. That's right...I AM WELL!!!! Keep praying my dear friends that in 3 months or less that I can say I AM HEALED!!!! I can't wait for that day!!! We're gonna celebrate big but for now......I need to go hang out with my husband and get some needed sleep!
LOVE and BLESSINGS!!!
Keep those prayers coming for my sweet family!!! <3