Monday, May 14, 2012
Chemo has been going about the same as it has been from the start. However I may be a little more tired than usual. Last time I had chemo that nasty Saline flush made my throw up. UUGHH Gross!! If any of you have any ideas for this problem PLEASE shoot them my way. I have my CAT scan in just a week or 2. I am so excited and nervous about this all at once. This will tell us how much longer I have to do Chemo. Its possible that I only have one more month. If this is the case I will be finished with Chemo on June 12th. I have claimed that for myself in the name of Jesus and I ask that you all pray for that on my behalf! as well. If I need to continue its most likely I will have until August 7th and we will know later if I need to undergo radiation. Praise God regardless because we have made it this far and I am feeling really good about it all but I will say that I can't wait for the day that I am falling on the floor thanking Jesus that its all over. Please pray that I continue to remain faithful and trust Him through this all.
I feel like I am living in a dream. Its so crazy how like can just flip on you so quickly. I just praise God because I feel as if we got through some of the hardest times already. I am still amazed at the Peace God has given me from the beginning. It was all so scary but I was being held in the arms of my Father the entire time and He just calmed my spirit.
I have been a bit emotional the past few days. A few nights ago I started crying at Target in front Mr. muscles (the man ahead of me in line) and the cashier. I was trying to pick up my bleach and put it up on the belt and couldn't do it. The sweet man in front of me saw me struggling and put all of my items out of my basket up onto the belt. It was then that the lump in my throat began to swell. You know that feeling, the one where you try so hard not to and your throat begins to hurt so badly until you finally just give in. I tried so hard to fight it but it won. I think It was a combination of the kindness coming from the sweet man, the humility that it brought upon me and a little bit of frustration that I still can not do things alone. You would think as I get better things would get easier right?! I think the closer I am the more frustrated I become that I can't do things. Its so close I can taste it!! I remind myself that only a few months ago I was unable to shower alone, I barely had the strength to brush my teeth, I couldn't walk around freely and could barely hold my daughter. That puts things into perspective. When I was living those moments I would tell myself to always be thankful for the these things when they come to me again. I want to be thankful for all of the small things!!! May we all thank God for the things in our life that we feel as if we deserve or the things we take for granted. Thank God for voices to speak I love you, for legs to walk and play, hands to touch those we love and for ears and eyes to see and hear the beauty of everything around us. <3
May is super busy for us as I got to celebrate my first Mothers day with my sweet Paisley. We went out to breakfast and spent the day with Gregs parents. On Wednesday May 16th Greg and I will celebrate out 3 year anniversary as well as Paisleys 4 month birthday. She has her 4 month check up and we have decide about those stinking shots!!! :( I also celebrate my 29th Birthday on the 20th!! How is it possible that I am almost 30 when I feel like I am 20!! So as you see we have a full month!!! So prayers would be appreciated!!! I will try to keep you posted on what is going. I have not been doing as well as I would like with that. I have just been having too much fun with all of my company!!! We LOVE company!! So if you want to get away and hang out with the sweetest baby then please feel free!! <3 I love you all so much!! Thank you for everything!!!