Thursday, April 5, 2012
So about a week ago I cried for the first time for a reason that had anything to do with the "C" word. That's right I never cried over the news!! Some of you may think that is crazy or maybe even insincere. I assure you however that is not the case. For any of you looking for a "logical" answer I apologize ahead of time for I have no "logical" answer to give you. You see the only answer to this is GOD HIMSELF. Gods word states the following:
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And THE PEACE OF GOD, which TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
WOW!!!!! Can I just say that never in my life have I understood these words more than I do right now?!?! HA Talk about having a peace that makes absolutely no sense at all. Its pretty stinking amazing when you feel something so strongly that only God can provide you with. I could probably tear these verses apart and tell you all about how they are very alive and real for me right now. "Whatever you have learned or received from me....PUT IT INTO PRACTICE!!! Well I have learned and received and heard and seen A LOT and I want to put it into practice! It starts with this amazing peace that I hold. I wouldn't want a single one of you to walk the path I am walking however the peace is incredible!!!!
It is very important that you all know about my peace because that gives God glory and that is what must happen during this time in my life or it has no purpose to me! Anyway, back to the crying......it started when my hair was falling out. I thought I was prepared and ready. I mean its "just" hair right?! Well,the idea of it "just" being hair slipped from my grip when I showered and watched my hair wash slowly down the drain or when simply brushing it filled the sink. That's when it became very real to me. I realized later that the reason it bothered me so much was because up until this moment no one who saw me knew I had "C" . They saw me as a healthy young woman. But after the hair is gone everyone will know. That was hard for me until I talked to God a little about it and was refocused at the fact that God wanted me to shout my story from the rooftops and if I am walking around bald.....I don't even have to say anything! I am a walking testimony! God also reminded me that I needed to lose my hair! Of course He was right. In order for me to be able to be an encouragement to others who have gone through or will go through what I am going through I needed that aspect of the journey. It is a fact that for most woman the hardest part of this journey is losing their hair. So after crying for a few days and watching my hair fall out everywhere and on everything I decided enough is enough. I am taking control of the situation.I told Greg that I needed to shave my head before my next shower LOL. So at that point I had about a day and half to spare;) I even wrapped my hair up before church and said "I am not wearing my hair anymore!. I keep telling myself I need one more day with my hair, I am not ready and its just making it harder." So I got all strong and proud and wrapped up my hair and got ready for church.....its actually funny now because I ended up taking that wrap off my head before church. I just couldn't do it.
So Monday was the big day but I had a few things to do before then. For one I wanted a family photo with hair so we did that. (only to later find out there was a fingerprint on the lens for all the pictures!!! AARRRGGG) I will post them later and tell you that there is an angel in all of our pictures! <3
Monday flew by. We went shopping for scarves and went to dinner with the family and took more pictures of course. Afterwards we went home and I continued to put the shaving party off. I even fell asleep on the couch until 11:30 only to wake up dreading the inevitable. At that point Greg got the clippers ready and said it was time. We went to the bathroom and I got a hold of the scissors not even believing what I was about to do. I just started chopping at my hair!!! Then, my friends it happened......JOY came over me. My scary experience was no longer scary. It suddenly became this crazy fun event and I am happy to say I haven't cried a tear since. That's right, no sadness, no insecurities NOTHING. Now one of the hardest mountains of this journey is behind me and it feels good to have climbed it. It was a liberating night. So all of you please just thank God for His goodness in all of this because He is continually at work!!! Don't be sad for me but look at my head and thank God for all of those whom He will somehow touch through this journey we are on!!! I love you all so much!!!! Also, to you dear friends who have taken extreme measures to help support me. You have no idea how much that means to me. KAT.....you shaved your head before I had the gumption to do so. Thank you for pushing me and making me stronger!!!
P.S My hair feels like velcro ;)