Saturday, April 14, 2012
I have to say that I never knew that a love like the love I feel for my sweet Paisley was humanly possible.(Aside from Christ of course) Yes, I love my husband and all of my family and friends but WOW it is just so different. I know that all children are gifts from God but my Paisley is truly an angel.
Not all of you know this but for many years I thought I couldn't have my own children. I was actually fine with the idea because I have always wanted to adopt and it just so happens that God gave me an amazing guy who also wanted to adopt. So Greg and I never did much to prevent our family from growing.....and for 2 years it worked! ;)
One year ago this month (April 2011) Greg and I visited a Vineyard church in the Phoenix area. We loved it and returned again for a second time. On the second Sunday that we attended they did things a bit different . They had a time of ministry and listening prayer. We all prayed and the few who felt they had specific words for people stood at the front and spoke the words they felt God wanted them to share. As I sat there I just knew God was about to do something in me. I could feel it and I almost argued with Him that I was too tired and that I didn't know these people. "God , I don't feel like crying in front off all of these people as you do something in me". That's sounds so ridiculous but I know some of you know where I am coming from. As God changes you or works in you it can be draining!!! Always worth it of course!
One man stood and said that someone in the congregation was having stomach pains. "UGGHH really Lord?!?! Yes, that was me. I had been experiencing pain in my lower stomach for months and did not know what the problem was. So a certain lady came and prayed with me. I thought she would pray for healing for my stomach and be done with it but NO....that is not what happened. She began to pray for my ability to have children and for my future family. I was thinking to myself "Why is she praying for these things". I don't know why but it struck something in me. I left that day and told Greg how I was feeling about her prayer and how it just caught me off guard and I knew that God was up to something!
A few weeks later we were at church again and I was watching this little girl dance as we worshiped and I could not take my eyes off of her. It was happening.....I wanted a little girl!!! I have always said I wanted all boys. From my experience they are so much easier and there is way less drama involved. I have nieces that I love dearly and even so I wanted boys (maybe 1 girl...maybe. But she would have to be the youngest so that she grew up with big brothers to protect her and to toughen her up!!)
Well friends, on May 4th at exactly 4:47 am I discovered that I was carrying child. I will never forget this moment. Greg was outside loading the car with my luggage to drop me off at the airport. I was surprising my mom for her 60th birthday. I really was just taking a test to prove to myself that I wasn't pregnant because I can't get pregnant! I just figured I would toss it in the trash and be on my way lol. Wow, how life can change in a moment. I am learning a lot about that these days. Anyway, I waited those loooonnng 5 minutes and I was shocked at the result. I stared at that thing for like 2 minutes saying "Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh" LOL. I then carried it outside to give Greg the news. By the way, he had no clue I was even taking the test. We were both shocked that early morning. He hugged me as I cried and told me that we would be great parents! As we drove to the airport I was convinced that something was wrong with that test. I held it in my hands and stared at it the whole way to the airport. (HAHA now that I think about it, that test was still in the car when Greg picked me up from the airport!)
I text me sister in law as I freaked out. She immediately called me back. I could tell she was so excited but was trying to be sensitive to the state of shock that I was currently in. She had a pregnancy test waiting for my when she picked me up from the airport that day. I swear I couldn't take enough of those tests to convince me that I was indeed with child. Well Mom, Surprise!!! Happy Birthday!! Oh yeah, Surprise your going to be a grandma again!!! <3
It is important for you all to know the miracle that Paisley is. I got pregnant the week after that girl prayed over me. That very next week!!!!! God blows me away! The week I was staring at that little girl at church desiring my very own little girl, Paisley was being formed in my womb. There is more too!!!! As most of you know 4 weeks after she was born I was in the emergency room with back pain that ended up being a tumor on my spine. I had an emergency surgery on Valentines day to remove the tumor and 5 days later found out that I had Hodgkins lymphoma. The day I found out that the tumor was cancerous the Doctor also told me I would have to undergo chemotherapy and that I would no longer be able to have children. The first reaction to this was to become very sad but the big picture was brought to my mind and instead I became very thankful. See friends God orchestrated this all so perfectly. I believe that God knew that I had cancer and he knew I would go through chemo therapy and because He is a loving God and Father who desires to give his children good gifts, he gave me Paisley. I hadn't planned for Paisley but God had. He gave her to me in perfect timing. The doctor told me I could no longer have kids and I was just so thankful that God had already given me my miracle..... my angel...Paisley. She IS an angel you know. She is what gets me through every single day. I am so blessed!!! God gave me such a beautiful gift!! I urge you all to use your eyes to see the gifts around you and to allow yourself to see the big picture in your very own lives. God is painting me such a beautiful picture and I don't think I would see it as clearly if I weren't experiencing life as I am right in this moment. <3
Love and Blessings!!!