Two days ago was the one year mark for the day that changed my life. I remember that day like it was yesterday. My church family was having a baby shower for our sweet Paisley. She wasn't even a month old yet!! It had been an amazing few weeks. I think cried everyday I was so happy to have this new joy in my life. There was just one think that was off and in my heart I knew something was very wrong.
I had this ridiculous back pain that was just not going away and it was getting worse by the day. I had been to my chiropractor (bawling my eyes out), had massages, x-rays and ultra sounds but "nothing was wrong". I was a big baby really.....I know some people thought I was being ridiculous. Even some told me going to the ER wasn't really necessary but thank God I listened to my friends at the baby shower and did that very thing. My aunt Debbie went to the ER with me. (I just so happened to have some family in town) It was really funny because up to this point I had never been in the hospital outside of having Paisley just a few weeks before. I had never had any surgeries and I had never had any major pain killers outside of an IBUprofen. I would take that only on RARE occasions when my head ache was nearing what felt like a migraine. They tried to give me 2 Percocet for my back pain and I was terrified and refused. Looking back on that cracks me up because little did I know that morphine was about to become my best friend in the upcoming days ;) I wish I was joking but I am kind of serious. HeHe
So after being at the ER a few hours they decided to do an MRI. I lay there wondering what was ahead and God just told me I was going to be ok and He filled me with a complete peace. I am not going to lie and say that peace wasn't shook a little when they told me I had a gigantic tumor on my spine. They didn't use those words but I think that is what I heard them say. I remember.....it was like my heart stopped for a second. I looked at my aunt and saw the fear in her face. I looked around that little curtained room and everything just seemed to stop. I could see the Dr. talking but couldn't hear anything anyone was saying. It all seems like a nightmare as I relive it really. I think its harder to talk about it now than living it out somehow.
I had an emergency admittance into the hospital and an emergency surgery scheduled as well as being put on bed rest. That is where the morphine came in ;) Man, It felt so good not to hurt anymore and honestly just knowing what the problem was made me feel better. (The unknown is NOT FUN!) My nurse was awesome and that is a whole different God story. She was super sweet and took really good care of me. Love you for that Michelle!!! Some of you know that story but in short while I was her patient she found out her husband had a lymphoma as well. He later went on to do chemo and is doing great!!! I think she thought I was crazy because I wasn't scared. Honestly I really wasn't that scared. I knew at that point that I had a huge tumor on my spine, I had to have a crazy dangerous surgery and that I might have cancer and STILL I had such a ridiculous peace. ( A Peace that trespasses ALL understanding) I am telling you it seems crazy even to me how good I was doing. THANK YOU LORD!
My surgery was on VALENTINES DAY!!! YAY! Last year at 4:28pm I was still in the surgery room and Greg was waiting for me in the lobby. What a day!!!!! Needless to say Valentines Day will always remind me of this little journey. Surgery went great and I was tumor free so yay to that! My surgeon was incredible and even had very high hopes that the tumor was not cancerous however in 2 days I found out otherwise.
Greg just happened to be there when that Dr came to visit. All I remember is "You have Hodgkins Lymphoma, its very treatable, you will need to do chemo, your hair will fall out and you may want to consider freezing your eggs because children may not be a possibility in your future. (deep breath) WOW, that's a lot to take in when you basically told yourself you were fine!!!! I was still fine though and I knew I would make it. I didn't even cry. The hardest part was telling everyone the bad news. UUGHHH It took me a day and a half to finally call my Mom. That was the worst!!!!! Imagine.."Hey Mom, I was diagnosed with cancer" UUUGHHH Now that I have had a year with Paisley I can't even imagine how hard that was for her to hear. I just told her that I was going to be okay and not to worry about me. HAHA what a joke. A daughter telling her Mom not to worry. Is that even possible???? Mom, You did well!!!!! I don't know how you did it!
I started chemo the first week of March and ended the first week of September with a lot of straight up craziness in between. Amongst all the chaos though there was a lot of beauty. I felt so loved and cared for and I had a beautiful daughter who helped get me through each day as well as a husband who worked so hard doing EVERYTHING and never ever complained. You all have been incredible and I couldn't have done this year with out you! God is good and He gets the Glory because as I write this I AM HEALED and I claim that for my life FOREVER!!!!!! Now I just have to continue to work on always being grateful no matter the circumstances. If I could keep one thing with me forever it would be the way I felt about life when I was in the chaos. That is one thing I want to keep with me even though the circumstances are gone. Those bad cells taught me a lot about life. Some people like to say Cancer was their "life Guru". I won't be saying that...its a little too modern and "new agey" for my taste. However, I did learn a lot from the experience. I learned how to love more, live more, be thankful for more and I learned how fragile life is. "Life is but a vapor..." May we remember that as a truth. Thank you STUPID CANCER for reminding me what matters in life and for reminding me how important it is to take care of myself!!!!! I will now live a much happier and fuller life because of you!!!!(Mostly because of God, but you know what I mean) Thanks again to all of you for sharing this journey with me. Your amazing!!!! Be blessed, stay thankful and oh yeah.....Happy Valentines Day! ;)
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Thursday, January 31, 2013
THANK YOU
It has been a few months since you last heard from me. I have been
trying to enjoy my new "normal" with out a million doctors appointments,
chemo, shots, blood tests and phone calls from my 5 doctors every stinking day. I have been
enjoying just being a mom to my sweet Paisley and a wife to the most
amazing husband. It has been an incredible year. One of the best years
of my life!!! Paisley just celebrated her first birthday. I am just so
thankful that I was healthy so we could just enjoy it ....and what a way
to start off the new year!!!!!
I am going to make this short. I honestly just wanted to say thank you! I am so thankful for all of you...my friends and family who helped carry me through this last year. You will never know how much I appreciate you all. I was wishing daily I could spend time with each and every one of you. I just wanted to hug you and tell you how much your love meant to me during one of the most difficult times of my life. You know who you are. You sent me care packages, scarves, cards, letters, money, gave words of encouragement, you prayed for me, cried for me, cried with me, cut your hair with me or even shaved it BEFORE ME, brought us dinner, called me, listened to me, came to visit me, helped take care of me (and Paisley), loved me and you believed in me and what God was doing in my life. You helped get me/us through each crazy day. I could never repay you for that. I can only tell you that I will only try to be half the friend to you as you were to me. I will try my hardest to love you and be there for you for your trials, your joys and your everyday happenings. I pray blessings on each and every one of you. May God bless you and pour down His love on you the way He did through you when I needed it most! YOU ARE A BLESSING and a TRUE FRIEND THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!!! Here are just a few of you who acted out your love in a very special way! (I don't have every ones picture)
I love you all so much!!! Thank you again for EVERYTHING!!!!
I am going to make this short. I honestly just wanted to say thank you! I am so thankful for all of you...my friends and family who helped carry me through this last year. You will never know how much I appreciate you all. I was wishing daily I could spend time with each and every one of you. I just wanted to hug you and tell you how much your love meant to me during one of the most difficult times of my life. You know who you are. You sent me care packages, scarves, cards, letters, money, gave words of encouragement, you prayed for me, cried for me, cried with me, cut your hair with me or even shaved it BEFORE ME, brought us dinner, called me, listened to me, came to visit me, helped take care of me (and Paisley), loved me and you believed in me and what God was doing in my life. You helped get me/us through each crazy day. I could never repay you for that. I can only tell you that I will only try to be half the friend to you as you were to me. I will try my hardest to love you and be there for you for your trials, your joys and your everyday happenings. I pray blessings on each and every one of you. May God bless you and pour down His love on you the way He did through you when I needed it most! YOU ARE A BLESSING and a TRUE FRIEND THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!!! Here are just a few of you who acted out your love in a very special way! (I don't have every ones picture)
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| I received this picture as text message a few days after my hair started falling out. I was beside myself, I couldn't believe that you did this!!! Thank you Kat for the courage to do it myself! I love you! |
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| You are extraordinary!!! |
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| We did it!!! |
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| An act of love! |
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| So much Love! |
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| Eric and my "Favorite" Uncle Kim shaved their heads for me!!! I love you guys so much!!! |
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| Thank you sweet friend! |
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| I love you guys! Thank you for everything! |
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| Oh Tifiboo!!! I love you! |
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| Love you sis! |
I love you all so much!!! Thank you again for EVERYTHING!!!!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Jehovah Rapha
Praise God from Whom all blessings flow.......
These were the words that flooded my mind after leaving the oncologist office today.
Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF0MgnOjeiw&feature=related
So today was the big day. I have been longing for its arrival for the past 7 months. Today was the day my Dr. said "No more chemo!!" I was overflowed with emotions and shock and just pure thankfulness. I am sitting here and feeling as if It is all a dream, asking myself and God if it is truly reality. I am overjoyed and giving all Glory to the Lord for using the Dr's and modern medicine as His means to do so. I don't know about all of you but I believe in miraculous healing. I believed months ago that it was possible for me to be healed without chemo but prayed for God to heal me in the way He would get the most Glory. For some reason God chose to allow me to walk the journey through chemo and all sorts of other not so lovely things. I have had free will in choosing how I would react to Gods choice of healing for me. I could have become angry and bitter and felt sorry for myself but what good would that have done? I also had the choice of remaining thankful for life and for every moment God gave me regardless of the circumstances. This was my choice and I don't at all say that in Pride because with out the Lord and His strength and His RIDICULOUS amount of peace I would not have been able to choose that. I fully believe it was by Gods grace alone that we have come to where we are!!!
I came upon these verses today (perfect timing......"Thank you Lord!")
John 9:1-3
1 As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. 2 And His disciples asked Him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?” 3 Jesus answered, “It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.
John 11:4
4 But when Jesus heard this, He said, “This sickness is not to end in death, but for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by it."
These verses are how I feel about everything I have experienced and God giving me these verses today only confirms this for me even more. I knew that the Lord has had plans for all of this. I know that I may never see what has been fulfilled through my journey thus far but I am thankful to know that in some way God is and will use it for His purposes. I know that somewhere someone has or will be touched by my story and by my circumstances. I am so thankful to be a part of a bigger picture!!!
So I am just gonna go ahead and say this in Faith that FOREVER......."I AM CANCER FREE!!!!!!"
That just feels good! ;)
Dear friend and Family just keep praying in Faith that I am healed forever!!! I love you all so much and I am so thankful for all of your love, your prayers and tears shed on my behalf. God used you to make me feel loved in a way that I have never felt love before. Thank you for that and thank you for friendship!!! Thank you for supporting me in one of the most scary times of my entire life!! Looking back it all looks like a nightmare! Thank God for masking that all along and for giving me an "impossible" peace through it all that I was able to bear it in joy. I tell you my joy was real!!! I sometimes can't even believe the joy I had most of the time.
"rejoice ALWAYS....again I say rejoice".
Some good words from Paul the apostle. May we always be thankful in all circumstances!!! May I always be thankful in everything! Let us walk in grace TOGETHER through all the trials that come our way!!!! Love and blessings on all of you! Keep sending prayers of healing not just for me but for all that you come in contact with.
Let us pray for healing of the soul!!! We all need Jesus to heal the soul that we may have everlasting life!!!
I end in this.......
I want you to all ask your selves if you have allowed Jesus to heal your very own soul. Have you come to the knowledge that you were created by a loving God whose very own Son He gave for you on the cross. He did so to give you life and forgiveness of sin. We all need it!!!! Pray and ask God to show himself to you in a very real way. Some of you think its crazy even as you read this. You think you don't need anything for your life. You believe you live and you die and then its over. ITS NOT!!!!! Pray and ask God to reveal himself to you that you may believe and understand!!
Ask God to search you heart and reveal anything to you that He wants to tear away from your life so that He himself may take its place!!!!
I know some of you are still in awe about the peace I have had and I want you to know that You can have it too. It came from Jesus alone and He is the only way!!!!!
Lord, may we all surrender our lives to you daily!! May we give our lives up that you may live in us and for us!!! I pray for us all to experience the abundant life that you have for ALL of us!!! I pray that everyone who read this knows Jesus and if they don't that YOU WILL REVEAL yourself to them!!!!!!!
I ask that regardless of your personal beliefs that today on my behalf to give thanks to the Lord for all He has done for me and my family!!! He has heard our cries!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!! Blessings!!!
These were the words that flooded my mind after leaving the oncologist office today.
Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF0MgnOjeiw&feature=related
So today was the big day. I have been longing for its arrival for the past 7 months. Today was the day my Dr. said "No more chemo!!" I was overflowed with emotions and shock and just pure thankfulness. I am sitting here and feeling as if It is all a dream, asking myself and God if it is truly reality. I am overjoyed and giving all Glory to the Lord for using the Dr's and modern medicine as His means to do so. I don't know about all of you but I believe in miraculous healing. I believed months ago that it was possible for me to be healed without chemo but prayed for God to heal me in the way He would get the most Glory. For some reason God chose to allow me to walk the journey through chemo and all sorts of other not so lovely things. I have had free will in choosing how I would react to Gods choice of healing for me. I could have become angry and bitter and felt sorry for myself but what good would that have done? I also had the choice of remaining thankful for life and for every moment God gave me regardless of the circumstances. This was my choice and I don't at all say that in Pride because with out the Lord and His strength and His RIDICULOUS amount of peace I would not have been able to choose that. I fully believe it was by Gods grace alone that we have come to where we are!!!
I came upon these verses today (perfect timing......"Thank you Lord!")
John 9:1-3
1 As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. 2 And His disciples asked Him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?” 3 Jesus answered, “It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.
John 11:4
4 But when Jesus heard this, He said, “This sickness is not to end in death, but for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by it."
These verses are how I feel about everything I have experienced and God giving me these verses today only confirms this for me even more. I knew that the Lord has had plans for all of this. I know that I may never see what has been fulfilled through my journey thus far but I am thankful to know that in some way God is and will use it for His purposes. I know that somewhere someone has or will be touched by my story and by my circumstances. I am so thankful to be a part of a bigger picture!!!
So I am just gonna go ahead and say this in Faith that FOREVER......."I AM CANCER FREE!!!!!!"
That just feels good! ;)
Dear friend and Family just keep praying in Faith that I am healed forever!!! I love you all so much and I am so thankful for all of your love, your prayers and tears shed on my behalf. God used you to make me feel loved in a way that I have never felt love before. Thank you for that and thank you for friendship!!! Thank you for supporting me in one of the most scary times of my entire life!! Looking back it all looks like a nightmare! Thank God for masking that all along and for giving me an "impossible" peace through it all that I was able to bear it in joy. I tell you my joy was real!!! I sometimes can't even believe the joy I had most of the time.
"rejoice ALWAYS....again I say rejoice".
Some good words from Paul the apostle. May we always be thankful in all circumstances!!! May I always be thankful in everything! Let us walk in grace TOGETHER through all the trials that come our way!!!! Love and blessings on all of you! Keep sending prayers of healing not just for me but for all that you come in contact with.
Let us pray for healing of the soul!!! We all need Jesus to heal the soul that we may have everlasting life!!!
I end in this.......
I want you to all ask your selves if you have allowed Jesus to heal your very own soul. Have you come to the knowledge that you were created by a loving God whose very own Son He gave for you on the cross. He did so to give you life and forgiveness of sin. We all need it!!!! Pray and ask God to show himself to you in a very real way. Some of you think its crazy even as you read this. You think you don't need anything for your life. You believe you live and you die and then its over. ITS NOT!!!!! Pray and ask God to reveal himself to you that you may believe and understand!!
Ask God to search you heart and reveal anything to you that He wants to tear away from your life so that He himself may take its place!!!!
I know some of you are still in awe about the peace I have had and I want you to know that You can have it too. It came from Jesus alone and He is the only way!!!!!
Lord, may we all surrender our lives to you daily!! May we give our lives up that you may live in us and for us!!! I pray for us all to experience the abundant life that you have for ALL of us!!! I pray that everyone who read this knows Jesus and if they don't that YOU WILL REVEAL yourself to them!!!!!!!
I ask that regardless of your personal beliefs that today on my behalf to give thanks to the Lord for all He has done for me and my family!!! He has heard our cries!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!! Blessings!!!
Monday, August 27, 2012
The greatest gift....
Well it has been a while since I have given you details of this crazy little life of mine (ours). Since I last wrote I have been in the ER twice with breathing problems. My first ER trip was the night before I was suppose to get chemo in the beginning of July. I had a CT scan and an EKG and the conclusion was that I had pneumonia They wanted to keep me in the hospital but after some blood tests they said I was good to go home after giving me antibiotics intravenously of course and then giving me a prescription for yet another "poison" for my body. The following week I saw my lung specialist and after taking a breathing test he decided that It was most likely not pneumonia I had but lung toxicity from one of my chemo drugs. I then had a bronchoscopy where they put a scope up your nose and down your throat and into the lungs so that they can see whats going on in there. He was right, it was the drugs! So after missing two of my treatments I was allowed to start again with the subtraction of the drug that was causing issues with my lungs. After my first treatment I ended up in the ER again with more breathing/Chest issues but after an EKG, x-rays and another CT scan I was sent home on the notion that all was well and my lungs were looking better. Good thing because had they not improved I was going to be put on another steroid for 8 weeks. After having been on a small amounts of steroids these past 6 months I was overjoyed to skip out on 8 weeks of it! I won't complain and bore you with how it causes weight gain and the inability to sleep!!! ;)
I am excited to say that I haven't had any more lung issues and that I am feeling pretty good now! I am so thankful because I do not want another "break" from my chemo. Breaks are frustrating because they prolong reaching the end of this road and after 6 months of travel I am ready to be at the top of this windy mountain!!! My last 2 treatments haven't been so bad. My last treatment I didn't throw up a single time! I was out of the house the morning after my treatment!. It was amazing because my brother was here and it made my time with him much more enjoyable. It was so good to have family around. I love my brother and it meant so much to me that he was able to come visit me and meet his sweet niece Paisley for the first time. She loves her uncle Eric!!! They had a good time together, as did we!!
Not only did my brother come visit but so many other things are on my list of thankfulness.
As vain as it may sound, my hair is growing!!!! My nurses were shocked when I took my scarf off for them to see my hair for the first time. They could not believe my hair was not only thick but not at all patchy. I haven't worn my scarves in nearly 2 weeks. To be honest I kind of miss them. I will probably have to wear them from time to time as they have just become another accessory I have grown to love. I am also thankful that I got to celebrate another birthday with Greg! It was his big 30!! He had a good day. I got him Big Bang Theory Seasons 1-4 and lets just say there has been a marathon at the Tompkins house. ;) I am also thankful for the people God has put in my life this month. Excited about the friendships to come! I am thankful that we are headed to Ohio in less than 3 weeks and I am also thankful for smooth move tea. (haha for those of you who have used that tea, you know why I am thankful!!) The bathroom hasn't been so scary the past few days! Thank you senna!
Drum roll please............. I have a scan this Friday. My oncologist said that based on this scan we will determine whether or not I need to continue treatment!!! That's right, this week could be my last treatment and I pray FOREVER!!!!!! So I ask that you be in pray for healing and that we can move on from all of this! I am feeling really good about it. However a part of me tells myself to be ready for 2 more months of treatment. I just don't want to be disappointed the way I was last time! So please pray for me. I have treatment on Tuesday, Friday I have my scan and the following Tuesday I get my results. Then on Thursday we travel to Ohio for Paisley to meet her family!! I would love to come home and celebrate with everyone!!!! That would be the GREATEST GIFT!!!!
LOVE AND BLESSINGS!!!
I am excited to say that I haven't had any more lung issues and that I am feeling pretty good now! I am so thankful because I do not want another "break" from my chemo. Breaks are frustrating because they prolong reaching the end of this road and after 6 months of travel I am ready to be at the top of this windy mountain!!! My last 2 treatments haven't been so bad. My last treatment I didn't throw up a single time! I was out of the house the morning after my treatment!. It was amazing because my brother was here and it made my time with him much more enjoyable. It was so good to have family around. I love my brother and it meant so much to me that he was able to come visit me and meet his sweet niece Paisley for the first time. She loves her uncle Eric!!! They had a good time together, as did we!!
Not only did my brother come visit but so many other things are on my list of thankfulness.
As vain as it may sound, my hair is growing!!!! My nurses were shocked when I took my scarf off for them to see my hair for the first time. They could not believe my hair was not only thick but not at all patchy. I haven't worn my scarves in nearly 2 weeks. To be honest I kind of miss them. I will probably have to wear them from time to time as they have just become another accessory I have grown to love. I am also thankful that I got to celebrate another birthday with Greg! It was his big 30!! He had a good day. I got him Big Bang Theory Seasons 1-4 and lets just say there has been a marathon at the Tompkins house. ;) I am also thankful for the people God has put in my life this month. Excited about the friendships to come! I am thankful that we are headed to Ohio in less than 3 weeks and I am also thankful for smooth move tea. (haha for those of you who have used that tea, you know why I am thankful!!) The bathroom hasn't been so scary the past few days! Thank you senna!
Drum roll please............. I have a scan this Friday. My oncologist said that based on this scan we will determine whether or not I need to continue treatment!!! That's right, this week could be my last treatment and I pray FOREVER!!!!!! So I ask that you be in pray for healing and that we can move on from all of this! I am feeling really good about it. However a part of me tells myself to be ready for 2 more months of treatment. I just don't want to be disappointed the way I was last time! So please pray for me. I have treatment on Tuesday, Friday I have my scan and the following Tuesday I get my results. Then on Thursday we travel to Ohio for Paisley to meet her family!! I would love to come home and celebrate with everyone!!!! That would be the GREATEST GIFT!!!!LOVE AND BLESSINGS!!!
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
The Joys of Chemo
So I found a blogger today who recently had cancer and reading her blogs were so comforting. It's nice to read about someone who has experienced things that you are currently undergoing. It's just good to know that your not alone. I don't wish for anyone to experience cancer but I would enjoy a friend who just happens to be experiencing it at the same time as me. ;)
The last few chemo treatments have been a little harder on my body. I have been down for about 4 or 5 days each time. The first 2 days include some vomiting and the rest just nausea and a list of other random annoying side effects. I have this weird champagne saliva thing going on. My saliva bubbles and feels really thick. Yeah I know...GROSS! My throat and tongue muscles hurt too. Its weird but it only last a few days. I also just feel very out of it and drugged up (go figure). Also my vision is blurred and my ears are foggy. I have been having bathroom issues as well. I won't go into detail but I will say that I have to remind myself every time I sit on the toilet that I had a baby ALL NATURAL!!! Yeah you heard me....I have to encourage myself!!!! I thought that the only time I would be afraid to go the the bathroom was after having a baby. WRONG!!!! If anyone has any tips..Please share because I am not sure how long I can deal with the daily fear of the toilet!!!!
My eyelashes are probably half gone at this point and so are my eyebrows!. Hopefully I will keep some. I have to remind myself that they will grow back. It can be discouraging to look at myself in the mirror. I spend 5 minutes putting mascara on everyday!!!! That is way too much time to spend on your eyelashes when you spend nothing on you hair!!!!!
So with all that said chemo is not fun but I just remind myself that God is using it to heal me.
All of the nurses and ladies at the office are so sweet when I go to get my chemo. They are always so encouraging constantly telling me how beautiful I am and how much they all love my scarves and how cute I look. Sometimes I even feel cute! That is Gods work alone....and my amazing husband! All of the other patients just stare at me and make comments about how young I am. They become sad when they see me but when I got go to chemo I get all dressed up and put make up and jewelry on. Not many people do this. I decided the first time that I walked into that room that I wasn't gong to be one of those people who came in with a t shirt, pajama pants and a bandana on my head. Nothing against those people but I just wanted to look good and healthy and walk in there smiling at everyone. I decided that I wanted to be a light! I want to stand out and smile and love people. <3
I have chemo next Tuesday and God willing after I leave I will only have 3 more!!!!! I am not going to lie. I am getting tired and I just want to be normal again. I have to fight the desire to want to just fall asleep for 3 months and wake up healthy! Thank God for Paisley and how she is the most amazing distraction and I would never want to fall asleep and miss her next 3 months! So with that said we have to choose JOY and walk the path your given with the One who can lead you on it with the most grace. I try very hard not to complain and be thankful for life and the fact that I am alive and well. That's right...I AM WELL!!!! Keep praying my dear friends that in 3 months or less that I can say I AM HEALED!!!! I can't wait for that day!!! We're gonna celebrate big but for now......I need to go hang out with my husband and get some needed sleep!
LOVE and BLESSINGS!!!
Keep those prayers coming for my sweet family!!! <3
The last few chemo treatments have been a little harder on my body. I have been down for about 4 or 5 days each time. The first 2 days include some vomiting and the rest just nausea and a list of other random annoying side effects. I have this weird champagne saliva thing going on. My saliva bubbles and feels really thick. Yeah I know...GROSS! My throat and tongue muscles hurt too. Its weird but it only last a few days. I also just feel very out of it and drugged up (go figure). Also my vision is blurred and my ears are foggy. I have been having bathroom issues as well. I won't go into detail but I will say that I have to remind myself every time I sit on the toilet that I had a baby ALL NATURAL!!! Yeah you heard me....I have to encourage myself!!!! I thought that the only time I would be afraid to go the the bathroom was after having a baby. WRONG!!!! If anyone has any tips..Please share because I am not sure how long I can deal with the daily fear of the toilet!!!!
My eyelashes are probably half gone at this point and so are my eyebrows!. Hopefully I will keep some. I have to remind myself that they will grow back. It can be discouraging to look at myself in the mirror. I spend 5 minutes putting mascara on everyday!!!! That is way too much time to spend on your eyelashes when you spend nothing on you hair!!!!!
So with all that said chemo is not fun but I just remind myself that God is using it to heal me.
All of the nurses and ladies at the office are so sweet when I go to get my chemo. They are always so encouraging constantly telling me how beautiful I am and how much they all love my scarves and how cute I look. Sometimes I even feel cute! That is Gods work alone....and my amazing husband! All of the other patients just stare at me and make comments about how young I am. They become sad when they see me but when I got go to chemo I get all dressed up and put make up and jewelry on. Not many people do this. I decided the first time that I walked into that room that I wasn't gong to be one of those people who came in with a t shirt, pajama pants and a bandana on my head. Nothing against those people but I just wanted to look good and healthy and walk in there smiling at everyone. I decided that I wanted to be a light! I want to stand out and smile and love people. <3
I have chemo next Tuesday and God willing after I leave I will only have 3 more!!!!! I am not going to lie. I am getting tired and I just want to be normal again. I have to fight the desire to want to just fall asleep for 3 months and wake up healthy! Thank God for Paisley and how she is the most amazing distraction and I would never want to fall asleep and miss her next 3 months! So with that said we have to choose JOY and walk the path your given with the One who can lead you on it with the most grace. I try very hard not to complain and be thankful for life and the fact that I am alive and well. That's right...I AM WELL!!!! Keep praying my dear friends that in 3 months or less that I can say I AM HEALED!!!! I can't wait for that day!!! We're gonna celebrate big but for now......I need to go hang out with my husband and get some needed sleep!
LOVE and BLESSINGS!!!
Keep those prayers coming for my sweet family!!! <3
Superhero
I am feeling good tonight and feel like sharing some things with all of you.
FIRST and MOST IMPORTANTLY this post must start off with the fact that I really do have the MOST AMAZING husband in the world. I have been wanting to share this for awhile. In honor of his very first Fathers Day I will share now. You have all been so amazing to me these past few months. You have showered me with so much love and I am so so grateful. You will never know how much it has helped me through each day. Some of you mention in letters and in phone calls how you think often of Greg and that you never forget to pray for him and that means so much to me. I feel most of the time he is the one who deserves all of the gifts and cards and calls and encouragement. I would like to give you all a glimpse into Gregs life for the past 4 months.
What I am tempted to do is write out his whole schedule for a week and give you an hour by hour look into that schedule but because I am lazy (remember...the reason I haven't written) I will not do that. What I will do is give you a list of daily tasks
1.school
2.homework
3.work
4.take care of Mommy
5.Take care of Paisley (feed,change,play and love)
6.cook AND clean up
7.laundry- wash and fold
8. clean
9.dishes
10.vacuum
11.bills
12.grocery shopping
THE LIST GOES ON. Yes, for the most part Greg does everything and well I do very little.
Honestly I don't know how he gets it all done and may I add that He got ALL A's in school with the exception of a wine class where he got a B.
Why am I telling you this? Mostly because I want you to know how amazing my husband is and I feel like he deserves some kind of award!! You also must know that NOT ONCE has he complained. On top of all that he still makes me feel so loved and beautiful. He makes me feel comfortable walking around with no make up, no hair and thinning eyelashes and eyebrows. I thought I would be embarrassed and feel ugly but somehow he manages to make me feel good (I have my moments) about myself.
Not only does he take care of the "list" but he does even more than that. He makes sure I am all set up when he goes to work. He fills up my water cup and gets me anything I need before he leaves. It's just the little things. ;)
So please all of you Pray for my Super Husband and my Super Dad!!!!!! I am so blessed!!!!!!!!!!
The guy had no idea what he was getting himself into when he spoke those sweet and sacred words "Through sickness and health.....". I LOVE YOU GREG!!! You truly are my knight and shining armor. You indeed get to rescue your maiden every day!!!!!!!! <3
Monday, May 14, 2012
Update
Chemo has been going about the same as it has been from the start. However I may be a little more tired than usual. Last time I had chemo that nasty Saline flush made my throw up. UUGHH Gross!! If any of you have any ideas for this problem PLEASE shoot them my way. I have my CAT scan in just a week or 2. I am so excited and nervous about this all at once. This will tell us how much longer I have to do Chemo. Its possible that I only have one more month. If this is the case I will be finished with Chemo on June 12th. I have claimed that for myself in the name of Jesus and I ask that you all pray for that on my behalf!
as well. If I need to continue its most likely I will have until August 7th and we will know later if I need to undergo radiation. Praise God regardless because we have made it this far and I am feeling really good about it all but I will say that I can't wait for the day that I am falling on the floor thanking Jesus that its all over. Please pray that I continue to remain faithful and trust Him through this all.I feel like I am living in a dream. Its so crazy how like can just flip on you so quickly. I just praise God because I feel as if we got through some of the hardest times already. I am still amazed at the Peace God has given me from the beginning. It was all so scary but I was being held in the arms of my Father the entire time and He just calmed my spirit.
I have been a bit emotional the past few days. A few nights ago I started crying at Target in front Mr. muscles (the man ahead of me in line) and the cashier. I was trying to pick up my bleach and put it up on the belt and couldn't do it. The sweet man in front of me saw me struggling and put all of my items out of my basket up onto the belt. It was then that the lump in my throat began to swell. You know that feeling, the one where you try so hard not to and your throat begins to hurt so badly until you finally just give in. I tried so hard to fight it but it won. I think It was a combination of the kindness coming from the sweet man, the humility that it brought upon me and a little bit of frustration that I still can not do things alone. You would think as I get better things would get easier right?! I think the closer I am the more frustrated I become that I can't do things. Its so close I can taste it!! I remind myself that only a few months ago I was unable to shower alone, I barely had the strength to brush my teeth, I couldn't walk around freely and could barely hold my daughter. That puts things into perspective. When I was living those moments I would tell myself to always be thankful for the these things when they come to me again. I want to be thankful for all of the small things!!! May we all thank God for the things in our life that we feel as if we deserve or the things we take for granted. Thank God for voices to speak I love you, for legs to walk and play, hands to touch those we love and for ears and eyes to see and hear the beauty of everything around us. <3
May is super busy for us as I got to celebrate my first Mothers day with my sweet Paisley. We went out to breakfast and spent the day with Gregs parents. On Wednesday May 16th Greg and I will celebrate out 3 year anniversary as well as Paisleys 4 month birthday. She has her 4 month check up and we have decide about those stinking shots!!! :( I also celebrate my 29th Birthday on the 20th!! How is it possible that I am almost 30 when I feel like I am 20!! So as you see we have a full month!!! So prayers would be appreciated!!! I will try to keep you posted on what is going. I have not been doing as well as I would like with that. I have just been having too much fun with all of my company!!! We LOVE company!! So if you want to get away and hang out with the sweetest baby then please feel free!! <3 I love you all so much!! Thank you for everything!!!
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